Writing a lie...

I am excited by the prospect of moving forward in my life. It is so nice to know that so much is possible if only I don't resist reality and slip backwards into compulsive behavior patterns.

Yesterday I was writing of my Book of Shadows dripping with pain. Today I see a bright future on the horizon. I am not sure what has changed aside from the fact that I am equally as compelled to do nothing as I am to do something monumental. I used to be confused by the lack of perspective on my life. Now I am content with not having as much perspective as I probably could. I feel as though I am being told to shut up and listen.

Don't think, don't act...just listen.

So I'm doing it.

The best way to turn my up hearing aid is to write. Whatever I have locked within me at the time comes out whether I want it to or not, and I end up growing in spite of myself. As painful as it may be to write the truth sometimes, it is impossibly difficult to write a lie.

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Shadow

I had the opportunity to stock wood today like Sonny and my character in my latest novel, Shadow on the Hearth. I Tom Sawyered Jeff into helping me move the excess wood from the winter from the side porch back onto the pile in the side yard. Everything matched up, even the heat and the transference of money. The only thing absent was sunlight. Its muggy and raining.

I was going to work on my business cards but decided that blogging is more important. I've removed a demon from my life which was weighing on my ability to write and I need to repair some of the damage before I move on.

Speaking of Shadows, I've been desperately lonely lately and when I picked up my Book of Shadows yesterday to prepare my altar I felt a lot of pain and sadness within it, as though it had lost a loved one. Kat told me to keep it out, that I would want to record observations from the healing ceremony later. I told her I didn't feel like writing and she told me to tell it to the candle which I did. Within a few minutes, damned if I wasn't writing in it, about how Kat had reminded me that the universe speaks in whispers, and that things I often think have nothing to do with spirituality or Guidance are actually messages from the Universe.

Right now, my Book of Shadows is closed. Atop it sits Apache tear, amethyst and clear quartz.

For the Woman Who Paid It Forward at the Grocery Store: Part 2

I want to apologize for not being as productive in this area as I probably should have been. Numerous events have transpired making blogging unfavorable in the last week and I did not want to "infect" my readers with my insecurities.

That being said, I have recently come to grips with the understanding that maintaining this blog is just as important as my dedication to the town newspaper. An army marches on it's stomach. This means that the progression of a thing is dependent on the quality of the fuel it has to keep moving forward, and specifically where that fuel is injected.

This is where I found my spirit hand, so to speak; this blog, moments like these where I'm compelled by forces greater than myself to sit down and try to get messages across to readers I can only hope have found their way to me to hear what I have to say. It hurts my heart when I lose sight of that because I know that happiness is real and that I've been afforded clues about how to attain it. The best way to pay the world back for all the blessings I've been given is to use those blessings to the benefit of others so that they might eventually enjoy the same.

My wick has been near extinguished several times, but damned if I let it go out.

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For the woman who paid it forward at the grocery store...

Thank you so much for reminding me why I keep this blog! I promise I will write a post specifically for you at my earliest possible convenience. In the interim, please find comfort in my pilot post, 'Thoughts Are Physical.' You can find it at the bottom of the archive in on the right-hand side of your screen. It was written back in September of last year.

The Bubble Experiment; Thank you, Tewksbury Police!

This is something I have been considering for some time now but have been too distracted to intiate it. Today, I finally cleared it with the Tewksbury Police Department. 

For the next several days, I'm going to have the window open in my car and blow bubbles out my window at red lights to see how many smiles I can get!

Beep if you recognize this post!

My gut feeling is that I'll get a favorable response for the most part, with a pinch of annoyance and incredulity. I am so excited to be doing this, though. I can hardly sit still. The spiritual momentum behind this is incredible. It's like I'm riding a wave that just keeps getting bigger and bigger.

Is there anything that you would like to do that would inspire such excitement?

Maybe it's time to consider doing it!

Feeling depressed, so I'm getting in touch with my training

What defines the warrior spirit is what I've come to refer to as the last rep. I'll be releasing a post by the same name to Your Tewksbury Today at the end of next week.

That rep that you don't think you can do, that meeting that you don't think you can sit through, the diet you don't think you can stick with...in the moments when you feel desperately as though something is not possible, try anyway. Try with everything you are. 

How we respond to that last rep is what begins to dictate how low our ceiling sits.

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Gym Schedule

Since I have virtually nothing else to do, I've decided to visit a nearby gym for five workouts per week. They are as follows:

Sunday- Rest
Monday- Back and Biceps
Tuesday- Chest and Triceps
Wednesday- Core
Thursday- Legs
Friday- Shoulders
Saturday- Rest

I figure if I don't have a routine I won't do what I'm supposed to do, and that if I do, it will turn out to be the first thing in my life I've really taken full advantage of. The awesome thing is that the gym is closeby and fits perfectly into my schedule so that I'm not wasting gas, and as long as I put my best effort into my workouts when I do go, I won't be wasting money, either.

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