I promised you guys I would work on Shadow on the Hearth for an hour if I got home before 1am. I pulled up daisy fresh at 12:45am and started to work despite knowing for a fact that I would regret it in the morning.
I'll do the dishes when I get home from dropping Olivia off. The freaking driving is killing me.
I'm back on a medication that my doctor prescribed to help me build muscle. Looking back I was a hell of a lot stronger when I was on it than I am now, even if I didn't look it. In any case, I figure with all the troubles I've kicked from my life lately, I can dig in on something I've wanted to do for years.
I'm going to pack on 50 pounds of muscle and I would like to do it within 12 months. Thats a little less than three pounds of muscle per month and I have plenty of extra padding to help me along.
The only way to manipulate the past is to create it in the present. I don't want to set a goal like this and look back and tell myself that I could have worked harder to reach it. That would leave such a hole on my heart.
See you on Facebook! starliper.corey@gmail.com
Wednesday, May 31, 2017
Tuesday, May 30, 2017
Walking the talk; another win; Welcoming Max and Ruby
Just as I said I would, I did two loads of laundry and worked for an hour on Shadow on the Hearth when I arrived home from work last night. This is the second night in a row I've followed through with promises I have made to my readers.
That may not seem like a huge accomplishment, but it is for me. I have always struggled with walking the talk. People lack faith in my ability to do the things that I say I'm going to do. I hope that along with continued promises to my readers comes the continued ability to make good on them.
I worked a bit more on my room today, not a whole lot but I got alot accomplished in the amount of time I had. With things changing as rapidly as they have been lately, rearranging the furniture in my room felt right. So far, I have removed alcohol, drugs, cigarettes and financial insecurity from my life.
My room was bound to undergo at least a minor overhaul.
Olivia and I bought new crabs today. A warm thanks to Pets Plus in Tewksbury. We named the crabs Max and Ruby after the show on Nick Jr. Max is huge. Ruby is restless, and all are friends. I now have five crabs in the enclosure, and Lana switched shells the other night.
If I get home before 1am I'll spend an hour working on Shadow on the Hearth. If I get home after 1am, I'll empty the dishwasher and load it, including washing the pizza stone!
See you on Facebook! starliper.corey@gmail.com
That may not seem like a huge accomplishment, but it is for me. I have always struggled with walking the talk. People lack faith in my ability to do the things that I say I'm going to do. I hope that along with continued promises to my readers comes the continued ability to make good on them.
I worked a bit more on my room today, not a whole lot but I got alot accomplished in the amount of time I had. With things changing as rapidly as they have been lately, rearranging the furniture in my room felt right. So far, I have removed alcohol, drugs, cigarettes and financial insecurity from my life.
My room was bound to undergo at least a minor overhaul.
Olivia and I bought new crabs today. A warm thanks to Pets Plus in Tewksbury. We named the crabs Max and Ruby after the show on Nick Jr. Max is huge. Ruby is restless, and all are friends. I now have five crabs in the enclosure, and Lana switched shells the other night.
If I get home before 1am I'll spend an hour working on Shadow on the Hearth. If I get home after 1am, I'll empty the dishwasher and load it, including washing the pizza stone!
See you on Facebook! starliper.corey@gmail.com
Monday, May 29, 2017
Did I let my readers down?
Nope!
I cleaned the kitchen and spent 7 long hours reorganizing my room. It looks amazing, but even better, it is extremely practical! I cleaned out my closet and gave 3/4 of my wardrobe to charity, I purged and reallocated everything but the bottom two drawers of my bureau, which may take another 90 minutes. I have all of my office supplies and medications in one spot with all of my incomplete notebooks. I have my coloring supplies right next to my bed with a couple of parenting and living well books, as well as my glasses. I even brought things up to the attic.
Since I did so well holding myself accountable to you guys yesterday, I want to set a goal for today. One thing I need to be able to sort out is what is reasonable and what is not. It is, for example, not reasonable for me to try to do a phone fast because I need my phone for emergencies over the next couple of days. Further, I did one this week already, enjoying the most success I ever have with the task.
What might be reasonable is doing as much laundry as I can today, and working on my novel for one hour when I get home from work tonight.
See you on Facebook! starliper.corey@gmail.com
I cleaned the kitchen and spent 7 long hours reorganizing my room. It looks amazing, but even better, it is extremely practical! I cleaned out my closet and gave 3/4 of my wardrobe to charity, I purged and reallocated everything but the bottom two drawers of my bureau, which may take another 90 minutes. I have all of my office supplies and medications in one spot with all of my incomplete notebooks. I have my coloring supplies right next to my bed with a couple of parenting and living well books, as well as my glasses. I even brought things up to the attic.
Since I did so well holding myself accountable to you guys yesterday, I want to set a goal for today. One thing I need to be able to sort out is what is reasonable and what is not. It is, for example, not reasonable for me to try to do a phone fast because I need my phone for emergencies over the next couple of days. Further, I did one this week already, enjoying the most success I ever have with the task.
What might be reasonable is doing as much laundry as I can today, and working on my novel for one hour when I get home from work tonight.
See you on Facebook! starliper.corey@gmail.com
Sunday, May 28, 2017
Committing myself to a day of productivity...
Since I seem to be having a bit of trouble getting myself moving, I thought I would commit myself to productivity by holding myself accountable to my readers.
I had written some time ago that I felt I was losing my privacy and that I would need to molt under flourescent lights and observation. Right now, I'm glad for it, because I will need to report tomorrow on how I did today.
I need to address my room, the kitchen, the laundry and my car over the next few days.
So here we go!
See you on Facebook! starliper.corey@gmail.com
I had written some time ago that I felt I was losing my privacy and that I would need to molt under flourescent lights and observation. Right now, I'm glad for it, because I will need to report tomorrow on how I did today.
I need to address my room, the kitchen, the laundry and my car over the next few days.
So here we go!
See you on Facebook! starliper.corey@gmail.com
Saturday, May 27, 2017
Welcome aboard, Vicky
Good thing toothpicks are cheaper than cigarettes. I would probably be living under a bridge. I'm like a beaver when I quit smoking, one right after another.
Feel free to scroll through the archive and dig in on anything that strikes you. I can be reached through Facebook if you have any questions or want to discuss something in detail. I will do what I call a 'per request' post.
They tend to do very well.
My phone is now officially demented. It won't turn on and I'm not getting the new one in the mail until Thursday. Perfect time to do a phone fast.
In any case, I wanted to let people on this blog know that of course I've not forgotten them but I probably won't check in again until then. I will, however, upload a post to my column in Your Tewksbury Today. Look for it within the next few days.
Wishing everyone a safe, responsible and enjoyable Memorial Day weekend!
See you on Facebook! starliper.corey@gmail.com
Feel free to scroll through the archive and dig in on anything that strikes you. I can be reached through Facebook if you have any questions or want to discuss something in detail. I will do what I call a 'per request' post.
They tend to do very well.
My phone is now officially demented. It won't turn on and I'm not getting the new one in the mail until Thursday. Perfect time to do a phone fast.
In any case, I wanted to let people on this blog know that of course I've not forgotten them but I probably won't check in again until then. I will, however, upload a post to my column in Your Tewksbury Today. Look for it within the next few days.
Wishing everyone a safe, responsible and enjoyable Memorial Day weekend!
See you on Facebook! starliper.corey@gmail.com
Wednesday, May 24, 2017
Per Request: "I wish someone would push ME on the swings!" Part 1
I brought my daughter to a local park the other day. I like to get out there once a week or so if I can. We couldn't have picked a better day. It was absolutely gorgeous!
Toward the end of the trip the two of us sat idly on the swings while the woman one partition over tirelessly pushed her daughter on the large green swing for toddlers.
"I wish someone would push me on the swings!"
I heard a blog post come crashing through the quantum barrier and reached out to her.
Most of us wish that we were kids again, but how many of us stop to ask ourselves why? Yes, things were simpler, but most of us have taken vacations as adults where simplicity leaves us anxious.
What is it that stops us from reaching over that time barrier and tethering ourselves to it permanently?
Distraction.
It takes an extraordinary amount of focus to achieve a state of consciousness where we feel like a child again. The difference between the purity of being a child and the diluted sense of innocence that we sometimes feel as adults is that as children, there was nothing calling us back to the adult world but an underlying sense of growing up.
But just because it feels uncomfortable to invite our virgin youth into our lives, that doesn't mean it's impossible, or any less rewarding than whatever value we hold to it.
In moments of safety and privacy, ask yourself what is wrong with truly feeling everything about a moment, and recapturing the wonder that you felt as a kid before you knew about the birds and the bees or the bomb. Happiness is a series of moments both good and bad--but mostly rewarding--moments that touch your soul in some way.
How many of these moments can you string together today?
Take stock.
How completely do these moments affect your mood?
Look for Part 2 in the Swingset series later in the week!
See you on Facebook! starliper.corey@gmail.com
Tuesday, May 23, 2017
6 days in a row completely nicotine free
I'll update on this later but the short and long is I'm impressed with myself for having come this far and I don't plan to go back.
I am still withdrawing and having a very difficult time focusing throughout the day, but beyond that it feels really good to breathe oxygen again and to not poison my body. The difference is amazing. I have a lot more energy. That's really the main difference. I didn't realize how much energy smoking took out of me. It's like a vampire.
I won't repair the damage overnight but I can arrest it. I think the longer I go without the nagging mental compulsion the better I'll feel overall. The longer I go without it, the easier it gets and the more real everything feels.
See you on Facebook! starliper.corey@gmail.com
I am still withdrawing and having a very difficult time focusing throughout the day, but beyond that it feels really good to breathe oxygen again and to not poison my body. The difference is amazing. I have a lot more energy. That's really the main difference. I didn't realize how much energy smoking took out of me. It's like a vampire.
I won't repair the damage overnight but I can arrest it. I think the longer I go without the nagging mental compulsion the better I'll feel overall. The longer I go without it, the easier it gets and the more real everything feels.
See you on Facebook! starliper.corey@gmail.com
Friday, May 19, 2017
I haven't had a cigarette in 11 days...a sobering realignment...
Last night, I removed my nicotine patch before my shower and decided that I wanted to be done with the wretched addiction forever. I've not had any nicotine in the interim.
What I did take in was a sobering reminder of how powerful suggestion can be. Someone had disposed of a cigarette outside Olivia's school today and in the two seconds I turned away, she had picked it up, begun to play with it, and told me she was smoking.
I snatched it from her hands and scolded her, citing the danger in something in which she has seen her father intermittently indulge over the last four and a half years of her bran new life here on earth.
It will be the last cigarette I ever touch.
I'm physically nauseated at what happened today. I even frequented a fishing honey hole I was so excited about finding there a few days ago, and I couldn't enjoy it, even as I snapped a picture of the perch I had just brought up from the crystal clear waters.
I was still shaking.
It wasn't the fact that she had some conception of what it was all about, but the fact that while I was warning her of the dangers, it all seemed to fall on deaf ears. I had no way to validate the admonition in any way.
That is what scares me.
It served as one of the most violent wake-up calls I've ever experienced. All of the warnings that I've taken for granted over the years regarding drink, smoking, drug addiction, gambling and whatnot, have been deposited before me in a huge mess, scattered like mines. I'll need solitary reflection to scratch enough time together to go through them all.
In how many of them can I allow Olivia to see me indulging and still justify telling her not to do the same?
See you on Facebook! starliper.corey@gmail.com
What I did take in was a sobering reminder of how powerful suggestion can be. Someone had disposed of a cigarette outside Olivia's school today and in the two seconds I turned away, she had picked it up, begun to play with it, and told me she was smoking.
I snatched it from her hands and scolded her, citing the danger in something in which she has seen her father intermittently indulge over the last four and a half years of her bran new life here on earth.
It will be the last cigarette I ever touch.
I'm physically nauseated at what happened today. I even frequented a fishing honey hole I was so excited about finding there a few days ago, and I couldn't enjoy it, even as I snapped a picture of the perch I had just brought up from the crystal clear waters.
I was still shaking.
It wasn't the fact that she had some conception of what it was all about, but the fact that while I was warning her of the dangers, it all seemed to fall on deaf ears. I had no way to validate the admonition in any way.
That is what scares me.
It served as one of the most violent wake-up calls I've ever experienced. All of the warnings that I've taken for granted over the years regarding drink, smoking, drug addiction, gambling and whatnot, have been deposited before me in a huge mess, scattered like mines. I'll need solitary reflection to scratch enough time together to go through them all.
In how many of them can I allow Olivia to see me indulging and still justify telling her not to do the same?
See you on Facebook! starliper.corey@gmail.com
Friday, May 12, 2017
A major move toward my goal; a test...
It took the Universe beating me into a corner last night for me to realize that I had asked it to test my patience. I had blogged that one of my goals was to maintain the coolest head in the room, and last night I was completely thrown off kilter until I figured out what was going on.
At the height of my anger I remembered that winners want to control, that they love to be pushed, to be tested. So I challenged the Universe to keep testing my patience, and it stopped. In it's place I was afforded a key that I can use for the rest of my life, the understanding that I need to be ready, at a moment's notice, to let go of all expectation.
When someone else pushes, I need to pull. To stand out at work, I need to remain silent. This will require much meditation, a lot of which I can do in the gravity room in my head. I will discuss this in my next post.
See you on Facebook! starliper.corey@gmail.com
At the height of my anger I remembered that winners want to control, that they love to be pushed, to be tested. So I challenged the Universe to keep testing my patience, and it stopped. In it's place I was afforded a key that I can use for the rest of my life, the understanding that I need to be ready, at a moment's notice, to let go of all expectation.
When someone else pushes, I need to pull. To stand out at work, I need to remain silent. This will require much meditation, a lot of which I can do in the gravity room in my head. I will discuss this in my next post.
See you on Facebook! starliper.corey@gmail.com
Thursday, May 11, 2017
Atheism; Conformist?
I think not.
You asked me to name God.
The Universe.
Your response was 'fraud gaud.'
I respect your position as an atheist but take offense to your intimation that I fall within the constraints of a centralized religion. Instead of pushing back, I intend to pull, a concept that I learned when I took Karate as a kid, and which has resonated with me for as long as I can remember,
As an atheist, you must believe that you occupy space and time. You created neither the space nor the time that you occupy. It was here before you were. It is...the bottom line. You cannot view a moving picture without something upon which to project it.
The state. itself, of being alive, connects us to something greater than ourselves.
A Deity.
Let's have a look at the etimology of the word 'deity,' shall we?
Derived from Latin, de translates to 'from.' The essence from which we are brought forth is our deity, capitalized or not. To claim that you are derived from nothing is scientific heresy.
See you on Facebook! starliper.corey@gmail.com
Wednesday, May 10, 2017
Welcome aboard, Carla and Chris with Bob's Barber Shop in Tewksbury!
Chris, long time loyal, great with a blade, kick-ass attention to detail. Carla, great job with a close comfortable skin fade, great listener! Go check them out at Bob's Barbershop, 2295 Main St, Tewksbury, right on the Wilmington line by the fire station!
If anyone else would like a shout out, hit me up on Facebook!
I have been distracted, uploading posts from this blog to the Opinion section of Your Tewksbury Today, so I let this one slip a little.
If anyone else would like a shout out, hit me up on Facebook!
I have been distracted, uploading posts from this blog to the Opinion section of Your Tewksbury Today, so I let this one slip a little.
Here:
I will be uploading semi-daily installments to both locations but I'll be posting to this one much more frequently. I got business cards for the secondary site and I can't wait to start giving them out. Hopefully I can generate some exposure for Your Tewksbury Today and still manage to maintain a balance between interaction with my new readers and continued interaction with my long-time loyals.
It's almost surreal to have jumped from a following of 20 to 160 followers almost overnight. It threw me for somewhat of an emotional loop. How I respond to it will dictate whether or not I will enjoy continued success.
The majority of my dedication to this blog has been with Blogspot. It has always been free and ad free and I intend to keep it that way for now. What I really need to do is keep my head in the right place and remember that it's okay to take some time off now and then to regroup as long as I get back to writing as soon as I have my ducks in a row.
See you on Facebook! starliper.corey@gmail.com
The majority of my dedication to this blog has been with Blogspot. It has always been free and ad free and I intend to keep it that way for now. What I really need to do is keep my head in the right place and remember that it's okay to take some time off now and then to regroup as long as I get back to writing as soon as I have my ducks in a row.
Sunday, May 7, 2017
Living on Purpose
In meditation this evening, I figured out exactly how important living on purpose really is.
So huge, in fact, that every time I go bowling, I ask myself who I am.
I have bowled every Sunday for the last eight weeks. The only Sunday I missed was Easter and I made up for it the following day. My dedication to this routine comes as a result of having promised myself I would adhere to it. It is one of the only promises I've made to myself that I've subsequently kept. This may not seem like much, but to me, it's huge.
So huge, in fact, that every time I go bowling, I ask myself who I am.
This post has also appeared in Your Tewksbury Today.
Tonight, I realized that I couldn't answer the question, so I asked myself, instead, "who do I want to be?"
The answer is simple. I want to be calm, patient and balanced. I want to be the person who keeps the coolest head in the room, and ultimately someone who teaches others how to achieve the same.
After all, what good does it do anyone else if you keep the answers to life's deepest questions locked away?
I presented this future ideal self to someone who suggested that perhaps wanting to obtain these qualities were not enough, that instead of just wanting to be that person, I might set forth a plan of action.
Tonight in meditation, I realized both how badly I wanted to be that person, and how important it was for me to take control of all the things in my life which have been holding me back.
I began to journal.
Meditation will assist me in this journey. Being constantly aware of my goal will assist me in this journey. Continuing to benchmark my progress along the way will assist me in this journey.
Just knowing these things and fully understanding that I've decided to embrace them has afforded me the most powerful energy I've ever felt!
In this life, we only get one life. We can wait for things to happen, for the perfect set of circumstances to come along. We can dream about that perfect moment, when everything makes sense and birds are singing and nothing could be more right.
Or we can make that moment happen, and be present for it!
We cannot buy back moments which have slipped from our awareness for want of the next thing.
We are here, we are now.
Are you where you want to be? How can you begin to make steps to get there?
See you on Facebook! starliper.corey@gmail.com
The answer is simple. I want to be calm, patient and balanced. I want to be the person who keeps the coolest head in the room, and ultimately someone who teaches others how to achieve the same.
After all, what good does it do anyone else if you keep the answers to life's deepest questions locked away?
I presented this future ideal self to someone who suggested that perhaps wanting to obtain these qualities were not enough, that instead of just wanting to be that person, I might set forth a plan of action.
Tonight in meditation, I realized both how badly I wanted to be that person, and how important it was for me to take control of all the things in my life which have been holding me back.
I began to journal.
Meditation will assist me in this journey. Being constantly aware of my goal will assist me in this journey. Continuing to benchmark my progress along the way will assist me in this journey.
Just knowing these things and fully understanding that I've decided to embrace them has afforded me the most powerful energy I've ever felt!
In this life, we only get one life. We can wait for things to happen, for the perfect set of circumstances to come along. We can dream about that perfect moment, when everything makes sense and birds are singing and nothing could be more right.
Or we can make that moment happen, and be present for it!
We cannot buy back moments which have slipped from our awareness for want of the next thing.
We are here, we are now.
Are you where you want to be? How can you begin to make steps to get there?
See you on Facebook! starliper.corey@gmail.com
Thursday, May 4, 2017
I respectfully declined...my reasoning...
I was recently offered the opportunity to appear on camera with Jacques Cousteau's grandson and his wife to discuss my solution to the Zodiac 340. My first impression was that the producer was genuine in her request, and that there might be a way to use it to my advantage to generate exposure for this blog.
I requested more information and have decided to pass on the opportunity. I feel that using the Zodiac 340 to generate exposure for The Introvert Exposed would be selling myself short. I feel that The Introvert Exposed should stand alone, and that if it is meant to grow, it will grow from the bottom up. If I am correct in this assumption, I will have ample opportunity to bring it to realization.
In other words, I'm rejecting certain exposure for this blog because the suggested means of obtaining that exposure does not stand up to my definition of integrity.
I'll take my chances.
See you on Facebook! starliper.corey@gmail.com
I requested more information and have decided to pass on the opportunity. I feel that using the Zodiac 340 to generate exposure for The Introvert Exposed would be selling myself short. I feel that The Introvert Exposed should stand alone, and that if it is meant to grow, it will grow from the bottom up. If I am correct in this assumption, I will have ample opportunity to bring it to realization.
In other words, I'm rejecting certain exposure for this blog because the suggested means of obtaining that exposure does not stand up to my definition of integrity.
I'll take my chances.
See you on Facebook! starliper.corey@gmail.com
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