Usually I'm so preoccupied thinking myself in circles that by the time Olivia gets home I've run myself ragged doing next to nothing, a blank stare drawn across my face.
Today I have the stare as I often do, but I find myself missing Olivia. Yesterday when she came home we sat down together and she read me a story out of one of her books. It was a bonding experience and it was awesome.
Missing her comes on the heels of a surrender of sorts...I lack the energy to give a shit about much of anything right now except for Olivia, because when I focus on Olivia, I can set the pain down--pain from self-sabotage, from obsessive thoughts, from my self-esteem or lack thereof--and allow her energies, her excitement, and our relationship heal me.
A welcome adjustment to my list of priorities.
See you on my new Facebook page! theintrovertexposedcs@gmail.com
Wednesday, March 13, 2019
Saturday, March 2, 2019
A new direction in my thinking...
For awhile, I thought that the most focused causal link (conserving energy in executive management) was the answer to my problems. It is an answer, one of many, but it does not carry the spiritual weight that I thought I did.
I can tap-tap my way through life, but when I obsess over how to conserve energy I'm not focusing on the moment or the feelings the moment calls for.
Once I realized that executive management had much less to do with Nirvana than I thought, I started entertaining creative leanings. I went fishing yesterday and took pictures. Last night I watched a movie I like and ordered a pizza. Later, I took a picture of the wood stove glowing in the dark.
Before I went to bed, I journaled with my left hand as part of my training, and actually enjoyed doing it because I knew it wasn't as important as I had thought it was, just a little piece. I won't know how important it is until I apply it to moments where I'm also sucking the joy out of life like a damn lemon.
I don't want to be empty anymore.
See you on my new Facebook page! theintrovertexposedcs@gmail.com
I can tap-tap my way through life, but when I obsess over how to conserve energy I'm not focusing on the moment or the feelings the moment calls for.
Once I realized that executive management had much less to do with Nirvana than I thought, I started entertaining creative leanings. I went fishing yesterday and took pictures. Last night I watched a movie I like and ordered a pizza. Later, I took a picture of the wood stove glowing in the dark.
Before I went to bed, I journaled with my left hand as part of my training, and actually enjoyed doing it because I knew it wasn't as important as I had thought it was, just a little piece. I won't know how important it is until I apply it to moments where I'm also sucking the joy out of life like a damn lemon.
I don't want to be empty anymore.
See you on my new Facebook page! theintrovertexposedcs@gmail.com
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