Welcome Aboard Nina, Gracey and Becka; Detox

I had a date last night and slipped a little on my carb detox, but relative to what it could have been, the slip really wasn't all that bad. I refuse to turn it into a fall. I think I had ten or twelve bites of pad thai, but was so caught up in such wonderfully relaxed conversation that it really didn't occur to me that I was using my mouth to do anything more than talk.

I also had a Coke.

I'm not craving carbohydrates today, but I did wake up in a fog slightly more irritable than usual. I plan to arrest the fall before I have to work any harder than I am now not to make any irresponsible decisions regarding my diet.

Welcome aboard Nina, who just happened to be in the right place at the right time to catch me fishing off of the docks at the River Walk in Waltham. We discussed fishing, where and how she grew up. Also, welcome aboard Gracey, without whom my acquaintance with Nina would not have occurred. At first glance, I believe she's a Labradoodle? Correct me if I'm wrong.

Welcome aboard Becka!

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Day 7 Carbohydrate Detox; Moving Forward; Official Start to the New Series Monday 10/30/2017

Seven days into my carbohydrate detox, I feel as though my body is finally beginning to understand that I won't be abusing it again any time soon. The occasional binge on raw salmon or walnuts or cheese seem to sate the beast within me. 

I stand before open cabinets full of carbohydrates and added sugar with immunity. I no longer salivate like Pavlov's dog at the prospect of munching satisfactorily on raw meat...okay, that was a stretch, but I no longer have the urge to sit down with a fifth of chocolate milk and a box of Twinkies. 

My objective over the next three months is to bring my A1C (cumulative blood sugar reading) down as far as I can. I feel intuitively that it's not too late (I still believe I am borderline diabetic and that I've not crossed the threshold) because it's almost like my body is just beginning to understand what it's supposed to do. 

Does that make sense? 

I was telling someone last night that motivation must be invited, it cannot be forced. The human body will regulate itself if you treat it with respect. It requires little more than the added second it takes to decide against a bad decision, and to make a good one. It will become easier and easier to maintain a trend toward healthy decisions and food cravings will eventually diminish considerably.

Speaking of motivation, I seem to have a ton of it lately. My mom and I moved my work desk up to my room yesterday. I subsequently brought my piano upstairs as well. I now have a cozy quarters that I feel as though I can call my own. I'm not sure if it's because my mind is quieter at night because of the forward momentum I've been experiencing lately, or because of my eating, but my Fit Bit recorded seven hours of sleep last night. Six months ago I struggled to get four or five.

The official release date for the Wresting Color From the Canvas series is Monday. I'll be posting them to the Opinion section of Your Tewksbury Today.  I've made a minor change to the title I had originally planned to use.

  

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5 days into my detox; Completed first journal entry; LGBT

The cravings for carbs are diminishing slowly but only in the sense that I forget what it was like eating them. My body is still rejoicing at their elimination from my life, but it also wishes desperately to cling to old ways. What it really comes down to is that it's getting easier but the battle isn't over yet.

One day at a time, right?

I did journal. I did it this morning while Olivia was at school instead of last night. Olivia and I found ourselves coloring yesterday and I took one of her old drawings, sketched crudely in pencil on a blank piece of printer paper, and traced over the pencil in crayon. I subsequently labelled each color compartment with a number and then randomly assigned colors to those numbers so I had a color by number that took me about an hour to finish over an appointment of the same duration. 

By the time I got home from my appointment, Olivia was asleep on the couch.

I interviewed a couple of different people about their experiences within the LGBT community and I'm learning a lot. One testimony was particularly painful to listen to because I empathize with people. Biologically female, this particular individual now considers themselves to be non-binary, or no-gender. She underwent a legal name change to represent both her masculine and feminine sides but remains silently in support of the LGBT community except to those who would understand. I wonder where fear of criticism leaves others with respect to their involvement with the LGBT community. Does the community provide an outlet for these individuals?

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What Does LGBT Mean to Me?

It means I'm writing a story. So far, I've completed the first draft, but certain events have transpired which have caused me to reconsider the approach that I plan to take with it. It's about bullying, specifically bullying of those within the LGBT community, and our public response to it. 

Obviously not everyone is of the appreciation for tolerance as an institution. I happen to support it. From the bottom of my heart, I feel only the deepest admiration for those in the LGBT community, and this story, which I may or may not post here, is my way of showing people that.

Recent events and several members of the LGBT community have moved me to investigate this topic thoroughly, including the support resources available to the LGBT community, current instances of sexual and gender discrimination in the news, and the availability of and controversy regarding replacement hormone therapy for individuals under the age of 18. 

I would encourage anyone with information about this topic to email me at theintrovertexposedcs@gmail.com. I can take interviews, and quote members of the community with both anonymity and full disclosure. 

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New Addition to the Mindful Parenting Plan

Yesterday was a little tough on the parenting front. Much of my time was occupied by busy work around the house. Later, I stripped my dad's tackle box and disappeared. I hit up the boat ramp in Chelmsford to see how everything worked and in a major display of irony actually fought a bass for thirty seconds using one of my spinners. First time I've hooked up in about a month.

In my absence, Olivia spent quality time with Papa. He arrived home yesterday morning.

Later in the day, it was suggested to me that one of the reasons I freeze up a little bit when Olivia comes home is that when she's at school, I go into work and productivity mode, and especially into art and writing mode. To shift from that back to intense focus on my parenting responsibilities is horrendous.

It was suggested to me that I observe my daughter, to learn about her, and to journal about my interaction with her either after she goes to bed or when she goes to school. This aligns my parenting responsibilities with my need to observe. When I go exploring (observing) just to notice things I haven't noticed before, I get a rush of creative energy. Observing Olivia will satisfy that part of me. It will also force me to stay in the moment with her.

I will journal, but I won't release my entries here. My interaction with Olivia is between Olivia and I. I will, however, report daily or semi-daily on whether or not I've done the journaling.

Still on my low carb diet by the way. Day 4. I've lost seven pounds so far.

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Still on detox; Adhered to mindful parenting plan

My dad just got home so Olivia has been occupied for some time. I've been very mindful of her diet, as well as my degree of interaction with her, especially this morning. Yesterday I suggested that recording my phone fasting intentions might actually work since I've been doing everything else I've told my readers I was going to.

Wouldn't you know it? It was my first successful phone fast in months! I'm doing something similar today. I turned my phone off and it's in my car so I won't be tempted to go grab it. Abstinence from it is going to be much easier now that it's not in my room just waiting for me to go up there and search madly for *gasps* a reply on one of my messaging apps!

I would much rather hang out with Olivia, anyway.

I'm still on my sugar detox. I've mentally downgraded from a complete sugar detox to eating strategically throughout the day while avoiding as much added sugar as possible. I guess there's flour--if you could call it that--in my power bar, so it's not a full detox. Nonetheless, I'm no longer craving pastry. My energy level is through the roof, I'm more focused, less stressed, quicker on my feet, better rested and less in need of controlling every single thing in my environment.

I ordered the O. Henry Prize stories Volume 1919-1934 for only $7. That was a sweet deal, and I'm going to try to collect every year from then until now. Every year they pick 20 stories from the year before which have been published in magazines and periodicals and they release them in one volume with commentary from the authors. I find that the more I read, the stronger my writing gets and the more satisfied I am with letting the story tell itself.

I will update when Olivia is bed.

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Mindful Parenting

Now that Olivia is back from Maine, I need to realize that my priorities have shifted. Mindful breathing and mindful eating are still very important, but not nearly as important as my being present for my daughter.

Being present involves more than just being in the same room. It means enjoying the same moment, making her needs my needs, and fulfilling my responsibility as not only a caregiver but as a teacher. I am the first and foremost example of how to live that she has in her life right now. 

This scares me, but reflection on it has actually opened several doors that I've been utilizing in my interaction with her lately. One of those doors is the understanding that being a parent is a privilege. Olivia will be my legacy. I can raise her with my unique values while helping her to find most of her own.

My job is to expose her to as much as possible, consistently (not constantly) demonstrating to her that joy can be derived from the common place.

That means that in Olivia's waking hours, my phone stays off. 

So far I've adhered to my no flour eating regimen (I had a salad last night for dinner and broke a filling because they torched my steak tips). I have adhered to my bekandse chant in times of increased stress. When I remember to use my breathing in/breathing out mantra, I do so until I forget again.

Think I can stay off the phone and in the moment with Olivia when she's here with me if I promise it to my readers? Let's give it a shot!  

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The ensuing sugar detox; update to Mindful Everything

The sugar detox is a lot more stressful than I thought it would be. If anything, this would be a good time to start breathing mindfully and to use the bekandse chant. I will admit that it feels amazing not to be full and lethargic, and to know that I'm doing the right thing for my body. If balancing the body is the first step to spiritual advancement, detoxing from simple sugars is the first step on the path to Nirvana.

I just need to keep reminding myself that this will get easier and that the serenity I'll draw from eating right will be worth the cost. I'm okay with not being okay right this minute because the only thing between myself and my goals is my resistance to change. My spirit is doing just fine, but I'm still shaking myself free of old ways. It's definitely not easy. It will take time, I'm sure. No rush. Just one breath at a time.

In keeping with my dedication to my readers I mowed the entire lawn. Seems lately as though tractor time is my quiet time. My dad has these really nice noise eliminators that make the tractor purr like a kitten. I would love to wear them for a day just to see what would happen to my consciousness. It's like being in another world when I have them on. Eliminating 16 hours worth of auditory stress from my life?

The writing possibilities there! Oof!



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Update to mindful everything...

I didn't do bad for my first night trying.

I had a power bar for lunch and Red Bull at break later on that night. I probably should have eaten more but I wasn't hungry. My mantra "I am breathing in, I am breathing out" came in and out of focus, remaining out of focus for most of the night but when I did remember to use it, I did so.

I remember being extremely focused at work, finding ways to cut out steps as opposed to flying through the ones already in place. For example, instead of removing the tea boxes from the shelf one at a time, I was able to remove five or six.

Instead of going back and forth between my carriage and the shelf with the toilet paper, I moved my carriage over. Instead of taking the toilet paper rolls out one at a time, I removed three at a time. Instead of using only one hand, I used both hands and removed six at a time and stacked them neatly on display, where they liquidated very well.

At the end of the night I had a panic attack and used a Buddhist chant that I had learned that I've been utilizing in times of increased stress. Tayeta om bekandse bekandse maha bekandse rhodsa samudgate soha. The translation into lay English terms is "I acknowledge your presence, God of Medicine, relieve me of my strife, I offer this prayer to you and to the farthest depths of the Universe." I find that after chanting it even once, my heart rate goes down and I am instantly relieved of a noticeable amount of stress.

When I learned about the chant, it was also recommended that I envision the God of Medicine in a peaceful place. He is typically portrayed as sitting in the lotus position with one hand on his knee, the other holding out a bowl of all things medicine. I have a difficult time envisioning this and chanting at the same time, but when I am successful, I have the most luck.

This morning I had a spoonful of organic peanut butter and a bowl full of raw oats with Half & Half. My goal for today is to avoid unrefined flour, and to mow as much of the lawn as I can as soon as it warms up enough and the dew finishes drying.

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Mindful everything...

Mindful eating, mindful breathing--I am perfect at neither and how boring they would be if I was!--are two of the most deciding factors that determine longevity. There is scientific evidence which suggests that our longevity is a direct result of how deeply we breathe. There are people in Southeast Asia who have lived to the age of 125! 

My goal for today is to be mindful of everything that I do. I will avoid, or at least attempt to avoid, eating simple sugars, and I will try to remember my mantra, which is to remind myself that I am breathing in when doing so, and to remind myself that I am breathing out when doing so.

Spiritual training is about making progress, not achieving perfection, but that requires us to take a step toward reaching spiritual goals that we set out to achieve for ourselves. The first spiritual practice is balancing the body. Mindful breathing and mindful eating are critically important to this practice. Today will be my first day attempting both at once.

I'll report on my success in this matter tonight.

Wow, what a spiritual trip this blog has been!

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Just crossed 8,000 page views! New Wresting Color from the Canvas series!

I've maintained this blog for a little over fifteen months, previously published under another title. I've gone from 6 regular readers to a little over 90, due, in large part, to my contributions to Your Tewksbury Today. 

At this time I would like to thank the editor of that publication, Bill Gilman, for the opportunity.

I brought my first column series to a close this evening with House Rule #25. The new series will be published under "Wresting Color from the Canvas; Quote #x." 

With each post, I will have selected one quotation at random from a list of spiritually enticing quotations by well known persons from around the world, including Dan Millman, the Dalai Lama, Will Smith, Albert Einstein, Thoreau, Wordsworth, and others.

I will explore these quotations in a paragraph or two and open each for discussion. Please feel free to comment on any post going forward or going back. If you have questions about anything, let me know. If you have ideas for posts or would like to explore something in more depth, let me know.

I can't wait to start this!

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The Rippling: Part 2

I took a few days to write this post because I wanted to make sure I gave the piece the attention it deserved. That is to say I wanted to give myself the time to write it from a reader's perspective, which takes a fair amount of uninterrupted attention.

That's hard to come by anymore.

A friend of mine drew my attention to an interesting relationship between cause and effect last week. His demonstration was simple. If you drop a pebble into a puddle, what do you get? A ripple. If you throw a rock into a pool, what do you get? A ripple.

No matter how big or small, the changes that you affect now will continue to affect the quantum field for long after you've passed. The birth of your first child may result in grandchildren, may result in great grandchildren. Ripples.

Here's the thing:

Ripples enjoy exponential growth. With this in mind, we can be more productive in our daily lives.

Breathing in more deliberately in high stress situations can lower your stress level, making it easier to deal with those situations. If we process the ensuing situation optimally, we can save the energy that we would have spent staving off disaster on being proactive with something else.

This example may seem far fetched but it's not! Every single one of us has the ability to tap into the spiritual currents that govern our universe, the pristine energy channels that flow through each of our lives corroding the barriers that we set between ourselves and our goals, liquidating the old, inviting the new, and constantly placing us on the first yellow brick on the road to success (if you watch The Wizard of Oz, note that the Yellow Brick Road upon which Dorothy embarks begins at the center of an ever expanding circle. Ripples!)