Post # 312: Olivia caught her first fish on her own!

...with limited enough assistance for me to say that it was hers. I cast it for her, but she was diligent enough to wait until I pointed out excitedly that the bobber had gone under and hadn't resurfaced. We were at the Concord River in Lowell with Jen and Renee. I was so excited for her I could have burst. We thanked both of the fish that we caught today. I'm glad I'm getting her into the habit of doing that.

Olivia came over to my side of the dock and told me that she was coming over to get a big fish. She proceeded to catch me completely by surprise by burying a hook full of dead worm guts in my arm. It was painfully endearing. Since it was caught on the back of my arm, Jenny helped me to wriggle free. Before she was able to retreat to safety under the overpass for the railroad tracks, Olivia wound up and hooked herself in the shorts. Later, we found a turtle and tried to net it but the 7-inch mammal outsmarted us. 

When I returned home I helped Olivia to bed, came downstairs and labeled this post before reapplying my essential oils. My body has begun to crave the sense of grounding and relaxation that I begin to feel just moments after applying them. Tonight, a mix of Balance, Vetiver, InTune, Lavender, Frankincense and--just now--Holiday Joy. I noted a sense of deep relaxation earlier and that it took two applications before I felt stable enough to say that it had worked. I'm now sipping from a carbonated bottle of water with a hydrating multivitamin dissolved in it.

I did wanted to mention something I forgot to mention earlier. Last night I had a dream about CBD oil. In it, I was vaping CBD oil and began talking to a girl. She asked me how it was working and I told her that usually I'm afraid to talk to girls but that in this particular case, I wasn't. I'm wondering if it was a byproduct of my taking CBD last night shortly before I went to bed.

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Finding myself again...

...Through a combination of nightly meditation and essential oils. I can't believe I forgot about the essential oils and the benefits of meditation. The essential oils lifted a 15 year depression before I forgot about taking them again, and when I was meditating on a regular basis when I worked at Extended Stay America several years ago, my head was much clearer and my moods were much more stable.

Essential oils are absorbed into the bloodstream within 15 seconds of application and within 10 to 20 minutes are absorbed into every single cell in the human body. As long as I remember to do it, I get to start my day by rubbing warm oil into my feet!

I feel grounded and more aware of the present moment than I did when I was not taking them. My body at the present moment is craving healthy food rather than junk, which is a surprising relief, and I feel like something amazing is about to happen.

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Its over and im anxious...

With a bad situation behind me, it's time to address my readers.

I keep having terrible dreams. The other night I had a dream I got fired. My financial stress is mounting and I feel like everywhere I look there's something else that needs to be done. Olivia and I are getting closer but she's been out of control lately so that's keeping me on my toes.

A couple of good things are as follows:

1) I have 5 puzzle boards at my disposal now
2) I used my typewriter for a little bit today and got some of my creative groove back

I've done very little fishing lately, which surprises me. I suspected that I would eventually burn out but I don't think it's so much that as it is that I've had so much on my mind lately that I've been more or less forgetting about it.

I recently underwent a trip down memory lane. A nice long freaking detour. The Goddess does that. I found myself at the hotel at which I was working when I met my spiritual mentor. This was where I discovered that perception is reality...if you look at a coin, which side is the front? Heads or tails?

Answer: the front of a given coin is whatever side you happen to be looking at.

Perception is reality.

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Post 309: Olivia and I are getting closer...

This is something that I always thought I would struggle with, but lately due in large part to a new friendship I've managed to forge, my communication with Olivia has improved dramatically. The energy that comes from allowing Olivia to express herself gives me more energy to release my inhibitions regarding my fear about really connecting with her. Lately we've done a lot together! We've played Nintendo together, we've eaten meals together--this morning I prepared her an organic Belgian waffle with Stonyfield Low Fat Organic Strawberry Yogurt since that is what she asked me for.

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Post 308, Strength in Strife; Impulses; Welcome Aboard, Jen!

Things get better. Maybe not right away or in the ways that we expect them to, but strife and struggle have a way of working themselves through our lives in the ways that matter, and whether we see it or not, we are to be made stronger for it.

Our greatest teacher of all is the present moment. Releasing expectation releases endorphins. The less energy we exert on expectation, the more positive energy we invite into our complex, chaotic, restless fucked up lives. Serenity is not the absence of stress. It is the absence of resistance to what is.

One of the things I learned from my mentor awhile back was that the more we utilize our intuition and seek the sense of balance that comes along with satisfying our intuitive prompts, the more our brain tends to seek that balance. It craves objectivity.

Eventually, it becomes knee jerk to release expectation and to rationalize with our souls instead of our impulses.

Impulses are a good thing. The need to return a lover's affections; the sudden urge to eat certain foods or drink water instead of something laden with sugar; the need to preserve the physical and emotional sanctity that comes with owning a home.

All of these are triggered by our biological needs.

The problem with impulses is that they are incapable of regulation. They often arise at the wrong time for the wrong reasons.

In order to begin utilizing our impulses as guides, we need to familiarize ourselves with them and train our brains to recognize them as they occur. As we release expectation in the wake of becoming aware of those impulses, we condition our brains to allow us to observe our stress instead of owning it.


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I'm in the Hallway again...

....Which is one of the reasons that this blog post has been so long in the making. I didn't want to blog until I knew for sure that things had fallen into place in my life as I believe they should. This has not happened, and while I am sure it will at some point, if I wait until the perfect time to blog I may never blog again.

At this point I'm watching things fall into place, but I feel as though dissimilar to other occasions upon which I have found myself in such a position, I am now being prompted to reach out and recover the degree of spirituality I had before meeting my ex wife. The Universe has afforded me a more active role in the process.

Things tend to knock me off course. A bitter and expensive divorce was one of them.

Now that I'm single, well over a year sober and beginning to see the financial fruits of my labors, it's time to start looking at what I can do to reclaim my core, beautiful self. I want my heart back. I want to feel the wind on my face, I want my brain to crave peaceful resolutions to conflict, and I want to be deeply in touch with my intuition.

I don't think that's too much to ask, to let my heart and mind be sound.

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