When life slows me down...

I need to view it as a gift. The 3 R's. Rest. Recuperation. Reconciliation.

The need for rest and recuperation is self evident, but what exactly do I need to reconcile?

I need to reconcile my need for emotional processing against the deficit.

I would like to believe that emotional processing is a time centered occurrence. If this were the case, I wouldn't be more frayed after eight hours of solitude than I would had I spend those eight hours with a three-year-old girl (almost 4 now).

Rather, my experience with quality processing is actually marked by productivity, like writing a song on the piano, reading a book or cleaning my room.

If I were to scrub serenity from chaos, productivity would be my washboard. I've raked my problems into distinct piles on the lawn, scrubbed my way to Zen through thick layers of burned grease.

I have also walked my way to answers shielded from my view for being on a lower frequency than that to which most of us are accustomed, because walking for cardio purposes increases alpha brain wave activity.

Productivity resets everything about us, including our involuntary rythms (heart and lungs).

How odd!

So often when the pup is off at daycare and distractions come up in my Divine Processing Schedule, I feel time closing in around me like four walls and I feel rushed.

In fact I asked a friend of mine the other day "have you ever felt as though there weren't enough time in the day to get done all the doing nothing you need to do?"

Maybe I need less downtime and more time doing the things that actually help me come down.

What helps you come down? What is that something that you haven't done in a long, long time that keeps knocking in soft whispers?

When I was in high school, it was reading books with swearing by Stephen King, feeling the pages between my fingers, sometimes hearing them crinkle. The voice in which King writes makes me feel as though I've relaxed deeply into a soft pile of warm blankets.

That still hasn't changed, not in 17 years.

When you get a moment, lay back, relax and simply watch your subconscious like a movie. If you watch it for long enough, you'll find an answer, or series of them, which had been a part of your life when you felt the safest.

Bring it back to life.

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