A taste of the well; a list

I got another taste of the well today. I can't remember what I didn't respond to, but the point is I wasn't even tempted to object when normally I would have been livid. I accepted the reality of the situation and chose to change how I responded to it emotionally.

It still aggravates me when people tell me to accept life on life's terms, but what I've failed to realize up until this point is that I can accept a situation without it affecting my emotional state.

Nobody likes to be told to suck it up. When I hear those words I want to start slapping people. I certainly have the agency to entertain the side of myself that wants to reject a given situation because it makes me uncomfortable in a certain way, but I also have the power to wrest complete satisfaction from every moment that comes to pass before me.

It just takes being in a certain place to be able to do that.

So I sat in my room today and I started to think about what it would take in order for me to stay in that place.

As I sat there on my bed with my 18-month planner jotting things down that I would like to complete over the next several days, I started writing out a list of things I knew to be true:

'Procrastination never balances out; it's easier to keep my car clean if I stay on top of it; I'm less stressed when I save money; getting high on dextromethorphan scares the crap out of me; I am an alcoholic; carbohydrates affect my serenity; sugar makes my body hurt.'

These are all things that I wish I could remember three minutes before taking cough medicine rather than 40 minutes after, moments before I buy a tasty treat instead of four hours later when I feel like I'm having my joints ripped apart and I'm crippled by sensory overwhelm.

For the longest time, I wished that I could have them all in one place. Now I can. No more 'I thought you told me that x does x to you and x does x to you. You're confusing me!' Periodically, I intend to write out lists of truths so I can keep them committed to memory instead of letting my body forget right when it needs to remember.



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