Glad for a break; update on my training

Original Articles. Constant-Content.

Now that I know I don't need to worry about work while I have my daughter with me, there's no reason for me to be on my phone during those hours either. I will spend quality time with Olivia as often as I am able, and write when she's either asleep or not here.

I left my phone in the car to make it easier for me to accomplish this. I may have resolved not to look at my phone until Olivia goes down tonight, but if I have it within reach, all it's going to do is tempt me. It's pouring out. It's not worth getting wet to send off a few text messages, and Olivia is far more important to me than communication with anyone else.

It feels good to relax. I need to remember that while the only thing between my realistic expectations of myself and the person I am now is action, I'm not a machine that can run for long hours without rest. There needs to be a system of checks and balances . Without it, I'm apt to embrace the hell out of a dream that I'll burn out on, and that scares me.

With respect to my training, I've decided to turn my sights on satori, awareness and appreciation of everything going on around me in the present moment. I want to focus on gratitude, the warm feeling I should get when I watch Olivia's eyes light up--I need to be in a certain place emotionally for her to produce that effect in me, and it won't happen if I'm bashing away at a keyboard while she's at home in the same room, screaming down a long corridor to get my attention.

I want to feel warmth again. When I touch a carpet I want it to touch me back like it did when I was kid (Millman reference). I want to experience true separation from financial worry, and that means letting go of the work bug in Olivia's presence no matter how excited it makes me. Life is not about money. Life is about love. Love is about the present moment, satori, and financial worry is about the future.

I know for a fact that something has been missing in my relationship with Olivia, and I know for a fact that I can now embrace whatever that is. It has to be possible, or literally everything else in my life would be completely pointless. There is something in this life that we are meant to lay hold of, and I won't stop until I find it.

I'll report back on my progress tomorrow night.

Blessed be!

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