During my Tuesday night meditation class I made it a point to share with the group my increasing frustration regarding my ability to maintain focus throughout my practice. I begin each session highly focused, deeply settled and calm. Halfway through the practice I open my eyes and twiddle my thumbs and wait for everyone else to finish, unable to bring myself to set myself up for failure again.
Meditation is about observation and discipline of the mind. The idea is to keep your focus on whatever the object of your meditation is, whether it be sound awareness, how your breath feels in the body, meta meditation (where you meditate for others), etc. Our minds are programmed to wander. When we lose sight of whatever the object of our meditation is, we set ourselves up to realize that we have done so. In principle, realizing that we have strayed from our object of meditation is cause for celebration, but it can be very disheartening.
One suggestion was that I observe the frustration and notice what it feels like physically to be frustrated. What does it feel like in my chest and stomach? What does it feel like as an emotion? The idea behind noticing what it feels like to experience certain emotions--frustration in this case--is that when they arise in our walking lives, our automated response will be to recognize them as familiar and to step back and observe them, releasing our attachment.
I declared my intention for the week to be observation in my walking life, observing what is actually going on as opposed to how my finite, automated brain perceives it. When I suggested that it should be relaxing, I was reminded that to think in that manner was to align myself with an expectation.
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