Whatever prompted the sense of clarity I've now been afforded, I can't thank the Universe enough. I felt myself losing it for awhile. No matter what I did, it didn't feel right. Now I feel as though I finally have the clean slate for which I've been longing.
I don't even remember losing sight of my priorities. I just remember wandering through a fog ready to crush anything and anyone that came between me and my next compulsion. I did not drink. I did not use drugs. I did have a few cigars a few weeks ago but have decided in the interim that I don't need the added stress of needing to quit smoking on top of everything else in my path, so I haven't had anything since.
When I woke up this morning, I cleaned out my car. I cleaned my room. I balanced my finances and started stacking wood before anyone else in the house. I now have the opportunity to relax, and more importantly, to reflect before work. I have had neither the time nor the inclination to reflect on anything lately in the same caliber that I used to be able to. The height of my spiritual growth coincided with my final feeble attempt to convince myself that I could drink like other people--I now know for a fact that I cannot.
With over a year of continuous sobriety under my belt, it's time to start looking at what it was I was doing back then that worked. What I see before me, once lush and green and vibrant, is now dry and barren. I now have the clarity to understand that I let go of something vital to my sense of peace and satisfaction, the feeling that I had so warmly embraced when I worked in the warehouse at Hanscom Air Force Base.
It's time for me to reclaim my mount, and I need to start looking for answers in the last place I wanted to look...inside.
See you on my new Facebook page! theintrovertexposedcs@gmail.com
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