I decided yesterday that it was time for a couple of major changes in my life. One of them was to quit smoking cigarettes, as you may have read in an earlier post. The other was to use the weight of this last run at sobriety toward a spirituality based recovery I can both embrace and appreciate. I downloaded time trackers on my phone yesterday for my alcohol and tobacco cessation quit dates.
The apps are very easy to use, and all I need to do is wait. They do all the adding for me.
I have always reached out for something to throw me off kilter, something to focus on, when I feel myself scrambling. Lately, I seem to have no depth of thought whatsoever. I'm quick to anger, hell bent on doing things my way and insisting that everyone else do them that way too.
I need something solid to fight against.
So when I decided at the last minute to purchase a box of nicotine lozzenges at the counter at a local pharmacy yesterday, it didn't surprise me, and the support that I received from the cashier and the woman behind me in line was well received.
I haven't had a cigarette since yesterday.
The brain is a remarkable thing. With focus on a specific challenge, my brain is inviting the rest of my body, and whatever forces I've been trying to manipulate, to return to autonomic function. With all the problems I was trying to solve single handedly I felt as though I'd allocated ten different parts of myself to merely getting by.
Now, with the weight of my entire focus on two very important stressors, I feel like I'm making progress.
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