It usually happens that way with writing. Often, I sit down to express my frustration with things, only to realize that I've written my way out of whatever problem I'm having at the time.
It kind of irks me, actually.
I mentioned on Facebook that the virtue of greatest importance to me right now is patience, but I don't think that touches finely enough upon what I feel I really need. Yes, patience is important, but it falls a quick second to...my foremost urgency.
I think what I really need is clarity.
I've had overwhelming anxiety over the last few days, both on and off medication prescribed to me to slow things down. I think a lot of it stems from having to guess which shoe is about to drop. You could drop a grain of sand into my life right now and it would leave a crater you could probably see from the moon.
Sometimes I get the 'crawls.' The only thing I can relate it to is nicotine withdrawal where you feel like you're about to crawl out of your skin. Sounds become louder, colors brighter, and all you want to do is sit in a dark room and avoid the rest of humanity. If my stomach had a mouth right now, it would be as dry as a bone, thirsting for resolution. If my brain had ears, it would be scrambling desperately to cover them.
I want to believe, despite much evidence to the contrary, that things in my life will soon begin to slow down, but I fear I'm the only one who would understand why they seem to be moving so quickly.
I just don't have the emotional energy to go into it all.
Not where I wanted to end up, but not exactly where I was going, either.
See you on Facebook! starliper.corey@gmail.com
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