Are you a denomination?

No. I'm not. I believe in a Creator of some sort. It doesn't really matter how we relate to the Universe, whether through Christ or Allah or Cabot Plain Greek Yogurt--yogurt actually changes biology when prayed over--we are all in this together, we are all a smaller part of a greater order and we must all come to that realization if we are to enjoy any measure of unreasonable happiness.

 I try to make the most of that reality by studying life and how I can make it easier on myself. I tend to spin out. One tiny slip, one moment of carelessness in decision making and I'm back in a tailspin. I hit the ground finally. I had mentioned that my descent into spiritual abstinence and 'self-will run riot' began during my vacation in Florida. When I came home, I went on a two-day food binge. I was in agony. Everything sucked. I couldn't even find the focus to resent anything or anybody for long enough to come up with a solution.

 Over the last twenty-four hours, I have eaten minimally. Maybe a few hundred calories. The rest has been water. Zero simple carbohydrates, some fruit, a couple of mushrooms, a pepper and tuna. And I'm starting to see the light again. I am beginning to see what's possible if only I can stop myself for long enough to focus on what needs to be done. I keep looking back on the list of truths that I had written out. Through it, I was able to avoid spending any more money than I absolutely need to, and for the next 12 days, God willing, I won't be spending anything.

 Here are some things I plan to resolve and how I plan to resolve them: 

 People keep asking me why I bought myself a laptop if all I ever do is use the PC, and I'm tired of people asking me that question. So I'm using my laptop from now on, a surefire solution to being badgered. In response to the question of why I would prefer to use the PC instead of my laptop, my laptop is too slow. It takes quite a bit of patience for me to sit down with it and try to type at the speed I'm used to without overwhelming the hard drive. That and it just takes too long to load up.

 A truth I have managed to forget about is that I am happier and more creative when I read myself to sleep, so starting tonight, I'm going to read myself to sleep. I'm also going to set my alarm so I can get up at a reasonable time tomorrow morning, and I am going to avoid taking my gabapentin to make sure I get up. It also might force me into a state of needing to evaluate things instead of just letting them float by me unnoticed.