Just as a quick update to "What are my horses trying to tell me," a good friend of mine last night proposed a really good answer. She reminded me that water represents change and adaptability, which I obviously need to embrace.
I was afforded the vision two nights before deciding for Olivia's sake, and for my own, to pull the trigger. I will not be having anymore children, and have taken certain measures to prevent the possibility of any 'accidents' that may have occurred in the quantum field prior to yesterday morning.
I like how I said that. Spiffy.
So yes, Cannon was trying to tell me that I needed to prepare for change and to embrace it.
Let me just note here that I don't believe that Cannon exists anywhere else but in my imagination, but by asking for symbolic representation, I can gain direct access to my subconscious. The subconscious speaks in symbolism for me, and it just happens to be easier for me to ask a mystical black stallion what the fuck is going on in my life than it would be to beat rattles or ask smoke from my vape or candles or whatever.
You get the idea.
That being said, I received a request from a regular reader. He wanted to know more about how my meditation room came to be. I'll start by saying that it wasn't my idea. Someone else gave it to me. She would go into her meditation room, a safe place in her head with rivers and trees and underwater sea creatures and rainbows, strobe lights...she had it all.
I wanted a safe space of my own.
The first thing I saw was trees. I had found myself in a forest because I believe that wooded areas are the most natural state of things. I cultivated a small space, maybe 30 feet in diameter, added sand and a huge boulder onto which I could climb, relax and look up at the stars, which I'm proud to say I made myself by filling a salt shaker with the lid still on, dropping tiny granules in the little holes...actually no. I didn't really make the stars that way.
I just...thought them into creation.
Yeah, it was that simple.
I added a waterfall, an ocean and a tree house, the one that I have in there now. I added a room with a fire and a row of pine trees along the back. I liked that one the best, even though it was always winter in there. I forget when I found the library full of all my dark thoughts but I remember burning them book by book in that fire.
Eventually darkness flooded my entire meditation room. I can't remember using gasoline but I did strike a match and closed the door behind me.
I needed it gone.
The remake was even better. I started in the white corridor with the door with my name on it, and opened it into a garden that I think I stole from the wizard of oz, the scene where Dorothy opens the door from her black and white world to find herself in Munchkin Land wearing the same ugly dress.
I figured fuck it, right? It wasn't illegal. I wasn't selling anything and hey, the Wizard of Oz is free domain anyway (writers know that sort of shit). After that it just sort of came together.
I added different things over the years...a factory where I could make cigarettes composed of tobacco, chamomille and passionflower--all of which I harvested myself--and store in Altoid containers. I really only ever needed one cigarette in there because it never got any smaller, but I had multiple tins full of multiple cigarettes lined up along the wall above the conveyor belt.
For that matter, the factory was capable of producing anything I ever needed in that room, including shoes. Eventually I moved it across the street. It's now an abandoned Walmart that has an infinite supply of everything I would ever need. It was from this store that I would purchase (ha, yeah no) plywood for the updated version of my tree house.
I remember feeling the weight of the hammer in my hands. God, that felt good. I could hear the hammer striking the nails, I could feel the impact going right up my arm.
I have a rough sketch of what the room looks like at present if anyone wants to see it, but I would encourage you to use your imagination and to create your own room. If you would like to use mine as a template, feel free, but personalize it, make it safe, embrace your inner child. Let it be a world into which you can deposit your stress and have it put to good use creating your paradise.
See you on Facebook and Tumblr! starliper.corey@gmail.com
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